i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
