After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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