and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
