I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I supernannyed him into submission
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
