Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
