I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
