talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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