Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I checked into jail on foursquare
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
