he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
