I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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