My brain says no but my pants say off.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
