Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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