This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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