I like my sex mixed with concussions.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
