I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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