We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
