at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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