well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
