I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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