I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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