Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
