We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
