I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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