I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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