There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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