he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
