I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
