her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
