I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
