Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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