i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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