ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
