he wants to bone in the snuggie
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
