pop tarts are not kleenex
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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