I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
