They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
