I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
