You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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