I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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