he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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