Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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