Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
