it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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