batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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