btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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