I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
