tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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