Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
