oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
