im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
