Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
